I didn't care about the recipes. I scrolled.
"Baltschun, Yulia A. — Age 31. Passed peacefully at home. Survived by no immediate family. Donations to eating disorder awareness."
"Day 23. I found his chat with her. She is curvy. She eats pasta. He sends her heart emojis. I have been eating air and tears for three weeks. It was never about my body. It was always about his inability to love. But I still can't stop." Buku Diet Cookbook Yulia Baltschun Pdf
I turned to page 14. Another note.
Page after page of soups, smoothies, steamed fish. But on page 12, tucked between "Sup Kubis Detox" and "Salad Quinoa Pagi", was a handwritten note—scanned, not typed. The handwriting was small, frantic, in blue pen. I didn't care about the recipes
But the PDF continued past page 31. Page 32 was blank. Page 33: a photo of a kitchen counter. A half-empty glass of water. A blister pack of antidepressants. A sticky note that said: "Don't forget to eat today, Yulia. You matter more than his silence."
"Day 12. I ate the cabbage soup. R. said I looked 'less bloated.' I wanted to cry. Not because I was happy. Because I was hungry. But hunger is smaller than love, right? If I shrink enough, maybe he will finally see me." — Age 31
And for the first time in years, I didn't calculate the calories.
I stopped scrolling.
Page 31: