Geordie Shore -

James grabs a bottle of vodka from the freezer. It’s 9:14 AM. He unscrews the cap.

NATHAN (23) comes sliding down the banister. He is fully dressed in a glittery gold mankini. He looks alarmingly fresh.

all scream in unison. The iconic synth bassline kicks in. Geordie Shore

RIGHT. WHO PUT A FIREWORK IN MY BEDROOM TOILET?

The Kitchen.

CHLOE (21), mascara smeared down her face like she’s auditioning for a horror film, rolls off the sofa. She lands on a half-inflated inflatable dolphin.

(From the living room) That’ll be me. I wanted a midnight piss with a bang. Nailed it. James grabs a bottle of vodka from the freezer

Morning, shaggers! I’ve just been for a dip in the North Sea. Absolutely Baltic. Me bits have retreated so far inside me, I think I’ve become a woman. Anyway, recap: Marnie got her lad out, Sophie cried in a bin, and I definitely snogged someone’s dad.

Welcome to the club, pet. Now get a brew down yer and tell us who you’re gonna chin today. NATHAN (23) comes sliding down the banister

pours vodka on her bacon sandwich and eats it.