I Knocked Up Satan S Daughter A Demonic Romantic Comedy Pdf.pdf -

Lilith’s doula was a three-headed serpent named Kevin. Kevin made me participate. I have never been so flexible or so terrified. At one point, I was folded into a pretzel while Kevin’s middle head whispered, “Breathe, Leo. Embrace the pain. It builds character.”

Lilith stood in the doorway. She was wearing yoga pants and a hoodie that said “I <3 My Dad” with a little pitchfork replacing the heart. She was also holding a glowing ultrasound image.

I looked at her. At the woman who could unmake reality with a thought, who snored louder than a chainsaw, who cried at dog commercials and burned my laundry when she was annoyed. Lilith’s doula was a three-headed serpent named Kevin

The room spun. “But… I wore a condom.”

She burst into tears. Not pretty tears. Ugly, snotty, hormonal sobs. “My father is going to kill you. Then he’s going to resurrect you. Then he’s going to kill you again, slower, while making you watch a marathon of The Bachelor .” At one point, I was folded into a

Satan insisted. “No daughter of mine has a bastard,” he thundered. “You will marry her in the Cathedral of Ashes, or I will turn your blood into bees.”

“Did what?” I squeaked.

Except for the tiny, delicate horns curving back from her temples. They were obsidian, flecked with gold.