Sei Ni Mezameru Shojo -otokotachi To Hito Natsu... -

Kenji had known me since we were five, building forts out of sofa cushions and stealing anko buns from his grandmother's kitchen. He was unremarkable—tall in a gangly way, with perpetually skinned knees and a laugh that sounded like gravel rolling downhill.

I wanted to ask him if he wanted me. I didn't. Some questions, once asked, cannot be unasked. They hang in the air like wasps.

The matsuri (festival) came on the last Saturday of August. I wore a yukata my grandmother had dyed—blue, the color of a shallow sea. My obi was too tight, and my geta pinched my toes, but for the first time, I felt seen in a way that didn't frighten me. Sei ni Mezameru Shojo -Otokotachi to Hito Natsu...

That summer, something shifted.

We kissed behind the omikoshi (portable shrine) when the drums were loud enough to hide the sound of my heart tearing open. His mouth tasted of shōchū and salt. My hands fisted in his t-shirt. For five seconds, I understood everything—desire, risk, the beautiful stupidity of being young and temporary. Kenji had known me since we were five,

Mr. Tachibana was our kōkō (high school) art teacher—thirty-two, divorced, with hands that smelled of turpentine and kindness. He wore wire-rimmed glasses and never raised his voice. In a town of shouting men, his quiet was an ocean.

"Everything's warm this time of year," he replied, lighting a cigarette he'd rolled himself. Then, softer: "Including you." I didn't

I cried in the bath, not from pain, but because I understood, suddenly, that Kenji would never again look at me the way he did when we were beetle-hunting children. He would look at this body—this bleeding, wanting, treacherous thing—and see something else entirely.