Mmrgh. Comedy.

I will not be censored, Val. We lure them with the Cinnabon aroma—

The zombies turn. The trap springs. The tent falls.

I’ve been listening on the broken PA system. There’s a Bass Pro Shops on the third floor. They have crossbows, beef jerky, and a display tent we can use as a decoy.

He flicks a switch. The Dyson roars to life. A zombie shambles into frame. The vacuum hose attaches to its forehead. The zombie’s face gets sucked into the canister like a sad, gray smoothie.

See? Disarmed. Metaphorically and literally. Its nose is in the dustbin.

We’re going to die!

Best. Apocalypse. Ever.

We have three problems. One: Kevin’s vacuum is full of zombie face. Two: the Cinnabon is attracting a second horde. Three: we’re out of Mountain Dew Code Red.

Was that… Gary?

Number three is a war crime.